Jack and Jill Politics - Latest Comments in Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

disqus_ZmW9QcQIGP — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 11:01:51 -0000

How strange, to see what appears to be an entire generation involved in a musical style that screams of anger. Not anger at the proverbial White Man but at The Black Women.
It saddens me to see that Black male / female relationships still suffer.
How can we sing love songs to each other if we are jealous of each other?
http://wp.me/pBKhv-11

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

oz — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 19:14:09 -0000

If thats the case, then stop jumping on Barack's dick and jump on John McAin's. Just stay on that side of the fence and don't jump on the band wagon when a black man doea something amazing that is recognized world wide.Let's admit, how many black women have really done something great that black men can remember?

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

oz — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 10:09:40 -0000

if you notice the white men black women date are the ones white women are not attracted to.

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

Swerl — Fri, 25 May 2007 18:42:00 -0000

By the way, through my job, I had cause to read

Sole Sisters: The Joys and Pains of Single Black Women (Paperback)

It may provide further fuel for thought. It basically outlines psychological profiles/approaches to being a black, single woman. It's written in a very conversational style.

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

African American Political Pun — Wed, 23 May 2007 09:00:00 -0000

It appears many Sista's always have drama stories about African American Men.

Many Brotha's have drama stories to say about sista's.

Sista's call brothers dogs.

Brotha's call sista's loud mouth drama Queens.

Brotha's say they date white women because of less drama, Sista's date white men because they feel more secure, wanted and powerful.

Guess what, I hear yah, sista's who are moving closer and closer to the white men that cause black men pain.

You go Girl! Make it happen.

You don't have to be PC for no one. your mama, your daddy, your girl friends, brotha's - nobody. It's a new century, a new black woman a new white man. Let freedom ring!

No more round robin for me, no more discussion on this issue. This issue is not a black family issue.

Who you sleep with black women is not a black man's business.

It's your's and your's alone.

NOT - I was just venting. This is a black family conversation - that must be continued.

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

The Christian Progressive Libe — Tue, 22 May 2007 14:19:00 -0000

Shoot, allow me my two cents.

Rikyrah hit the nail on the head about being single, Black and educated females looking for the brothas. In my case, I'm in my forties, an educated, single sista with a career that pays well, and when I was in my thirties, my police officer boyfriend threw me over for a crackhead. He was an educated, military vet brother who went to work for Oakland PD.

It's crap like that that forces sistas to look elsewhere. My attitude now is I will love whomever God sends me and the package he comes in, cause people are going to choose who they want, but it must always be for the right reasons, and not PC ones.

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

David Stefanini — Sun, 20 May 2007 20:59:00 -0000

I love the blog that you have. I was wondering if you would link my blog to yours and in return I would do the same for your blog. If you want to, my site

name is American Legends and the URL is:

www.americanlegends.blogspo...

If you want to do this just go to my blog and in one of the comments just write your blog name and the URL and I will add it to my site.

Thanks,

David

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

g-e-m2001 — Sat, 19 May 2007 18:26:00 -0000

OH here we go again. The round robin about whose fault it is that 70% of Black women are unmarried and the perennial justification for who you date.

Date whoever you want to. You don't have to offer an explanation to anyone.It isn't any of my business, but please don't throw around blanket generalizations that black women are single by choice or because we are too picky or because we all are ravenous golddiggers who wont be happy with a house with less than 5 bathrooms.

That says less about black women than it does about the women YOU approach. If a woman is demanding 5 bathrooms, I am sure that there is a lot more wrong with her than that unreasonable demand. There are women of all races who have a certain image in their minds about what kind of lifestyle they want a man to provide for them, but there are probably a lot more who are willing to work together to get the 5 bedrooms. And if you aren;t a 5 bedroom kind of guy, then move on.

For most of MY friends and that is all I am qualified to speak about, already have houses. besides a house with 5 bathrooms probably has a helluva utility bill, not to mention property taxes.

Why do we ALWAYS get into this business of arguing the exception as the rule. Just because you think the earth is flat because you've never sailed more than ten feet from the shore, doesn't mean its so.

At the end of the day. People have the right to love whoever they want to love and if the people you want to love are not loving you back then maybe you need to reevaluate where you are looking.

And yes, that means that black women may have to broaden their dating/marriage pool. Why is that any of our business?

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

Lester Spence — Sat, 19 May 2007 07:03:00 -0000

Francis and TAI, I appreciate your viewpoints.

But what I would suggest that both of your dating experiences are limited. As such, the best you can say with any degree of accuracy is that the women YOU were interested in, or pursued, were interested in a man with money. I've only dated black women, and of the women I've dated, only ONE fits that category.

As soon as we jump into the "all American women are X" pool, we lose perspective, we demonize people who shouldn't be demonized, and we don't get the story right.

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

The Angry Independent — Sat, 19 May 2007 02:52:00 -0000

Francis,

You have hit the nail right on the head. I was dancing around that snake pit in my earlier post....afraid to step in.

American culture is all about financial status. It is at the heart of everything...including m/f relationships.

But I can't believe that you had all that as an attorney...and you were still alone. I'm still struggling everyday....chasing after what you had so that I CAN start dating. I tried dating once before...and hated it...(because I was limited financially). I was a late starter when it came to dating (started when I hit 30). But I found that I really couldn't compete and date the women that I wanted, because in the U.S., dating is basically a status thing....at least initially.

You rarely find a woman that isn't fixated on money.

Once I attain those material things... I will still hate dating... but at least I will have a respectable income, which allows a guy to have some dating freedom...and confidence. It's a shame though that I have put dating on hold until I reach a certain financial status.

Women (most, not all) of all races are fixated on it.... And as a Black man... you really can't date who you want unless you have a very nice income. The dating pool is very limited for us as well. Plus, I find African American women hard to date (although there are exceptions). And as a Black man, it is hard to date white, or asian women...at least where I live.

The only way that non-Black women will give you a shot is if you are a CEO, Attorney, are from a wealthy family, or you are a pro Sports figure or entertainer. Otherwise it's pretty tough. The Black male image has been battered in this country.

So it is not just Black women who can't find matches. It's so bad that I decided to basically quit. I am concentrating 110% on my professional and personal development instead... hoping that in a few years I can try it again...under better circumstances.

It's sort of a blessing in disguise though... because being single has allowed me to go to school... etc... without all the hassles, headaches and the typical melodrama of a relationship taking up my time. I think that will pay off later on.

And that Rubiks Cube is hell.

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

Francis L. Holland Blog — Fri, 18 May 2007 22:10:00 -0000

I've got a lot of issues, sure, but when I lived in the United States, I was a managing attorney and drove a new car. I was VERY lonely. I always felt like intimacy with Black women and anyone else was this rubix cube that I was trying to break.

When I lived in France, I found a really kind and caring young woman from Cameroon whom I went out with. We're still friends.

Here in Brazil, there were four women who wanted to marry me before I settled down with my wife three years ago, and one since. I don't have much financially, but my wife just wants my love.

I once went out with a Black woman in the United States who said she wanted her husband to buy her a house with five bathrooms. I asked her, "How man bathrooms can you crap in at once?!"

When I was between jobs, but she was not, she became infuriated when I asked her to pick up a check at a restaurant. She screamed at me. When I went out with a white woman in college, we scraped up all the money each of us had and then I scraped the coins from between the seats of my car so that we could see a movie, and this on one of our first dates. We went out together for a year.

I would suggest that Black women come to Brazil, where there are plenty of Black men who would like to marry an America woman and live in the United States. Hard workers and good dancers, too. The problem is that these men are from a poor country where opportunities to get a great education and buy a Lexus are few. And so although they might offer love, be good fathers and hard workers, they're not going to do anything for the status of the status-conscious.

I'm a lawyer, but my wife never went to college. My brother's an engineer, but his wife never went to college. I guess that if I had waited for a college-educated woman - woman who would expect me to buy her a Lexus or at least drive her around in mine, then I might still be alone today.

I'm glad that eventually love and caring were more important to me than status and what other people would think.

When I was in France, I was admiring a woman from Africa whose father was very wealthy. She said she couldn't be interested in me because I could not provide her the sort of affluent lifestyle that she was accustomed to. I wonder if she is still single today, or if she has found someone who can give her affluence?

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

Gem2001 — Fri, 18 May 2007 18:27:00 -0000

Well all you folks talking about marriage, or the lack thereof might be interested in the topic for Saturday's Black Women's Roundtable: In the age of the Baby's Mama... Does Marriage Still Matter? blogtalkradio.com/blackwomen. Its at noon CST

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

Bronzetrinity — Fri, 18 May 2007 16:52:00 -0000

Your facinating blog is featured on the Afrospear Online Newspaper at http://www.pageflakes.com/b.... This is an online collection of rssfeeds concerning activism, politics, opinion, news, entertainment, beauty, and history for members of the African Diaspora. Please keep writing because we enjoy reading what you have to say! If you know of interesting sites or blogs that we should add to the newspaper then please let us know :)

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

Lester Spence — Fri, 18 May 2007 12:32:00 -0000

T.A.I. brings up an excellent point on the flipside. The numbers ARE skewed...but there are still worthwhile black men out there. If professional black women can not for whatever reason extend their view to those who are not black...then what they are inevitably going to have to do is modify their standards appropriately. I remember the first time I realized what the stakes were more than 15 years ago when a friend joked to us that she was now removing "literacy" as a requirement. She WAS JOKING...but at the same time can't everyone have the brother who is fine, intelligent, courteous, compassionate, politically progressive...etc. Even if the numbers WERE right, those people are rare in general.

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

The Angry Independent — Fri, 18 May 2007 01:40:00 -0000

I need to get out more. :)

All of these good Black women saying that they can't find a good Black man....hmmmm. It makes me wonder...Are you all looking in the right places?

You are not going to find the men you want in the nightclubs.

Then again... there IS a shortage of single, viable Black men... no matter where you look. But I often wonder if this is as bad as people say it is. From reading the comments... it must be pretty bad for Black women.

But not all Black men are in prison, in and out of jail, etc. I think there are other factors/variables in the mix that are contributing to this problem. People have this narrow ideal image of who they want as a partner and they end up excluding potentially good matches, because that person doesn't fit the narrow (often unrealistic) image that they have created. I think that is a big part of the problem as well.

I personally believe that people should date whoever they want without criticism. I have no problem with interracial dating or marriage. And for Black women who have not been able to find what they want within their own ethnic group should feel free to look elsewhere. In fact, they should feel free to look at the whole range of options right from the start.

Who came up with the notion that if you date outside of the race you are anti-Black? I can't agree with that.

Ideally, I would like to someday meet an African American woman (when i'm ready). But I put no limits on who I will date in terms of ethnic group, culture, etc.

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

Bronzetrinity — Thu, 17 May 2007 20:25:00 -0000

I would prefer getting married to a Black man. But I have to be honest...if I can't find one and make it work then I will look for someone else. I don't think I can go White because of history but I could go with someone Brown. One can argue dark brown people are descendents of Africa anyway. I don't want to be alone so if a brown-skinned non-Black guy wants me then I think I'll go with him. Its hard enough to get ANY guy. I also have high standards and I'm not going to lower them or change them. I used to do that and I ended up with guys who treated me badly and I was too different from them so what's the point in that? Anyways, according to the stats it is just impossible for every single Black woman in North America to find and marry a Black man, there are not enough of them. I'm not just going to be alone because of that.

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

Lester Spence — Thu, 17 May 2007 17:20:00 -0000

metricpenny i understand your sentiment fully. but i am not sure that people really understand what they ask black women to sacrifice when they are asked to think about changing their own preferences on class.

it is usually much much easier for a professional man to date/marry a woman who comes from a different class background. but even here you've got significant challenges. people from different class backgrounds have different social networks, tend to be interested in different endeavors, speak different languages.

in many ways black professional women have more in common with non black professional men than they do with working class black men. it's a tough choice to make whatever the case for black women who prefer to date black men. but while i know a number of successful interracial marriages, i don't know many successful interclass marriages.

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

Ronnie B — Thu, 17 May 2007 16:38:00 -0000

Who issued the edict that if one marries white, then they are anti-Black? Who is bigger than the entire Black community to say that my marriage to a white woman is an assault on and offense to a Black woman? Obviously, there is no cogent, intelligent or logical answer to these questions. But it does point to a level of shallowness that some would even insult our intelligence in trying to answer.

Love who God brings to you. If I no longer had the love of my life, I'd gladly marry a Black woman. Or an Asian woman. Or a Latina.

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

Leota2 — Thu, 17 May 2007 12:19:00 -0000

When Martin Luther King walked on roads and under bridges he was hosed and attacked by dogs and racists police because he wanted equality for all and the freedom for all to choose where they lived, who they loved etc.

Has that all been obliterated into history?

It should NOT be a political statement when you choose to fall in love with whoever! Marrying black on black or white on white has never been any indicator of a successful union.

Has everyone become some kind of crazy neocon

who's more interested in peoples dating rituals and whether this one should marry that one. Aren't there more pressing issues in our community than this?

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

dnA — Thu, 17 May 2007 11:10:00 -0000

I'm half black and half Jewish. I think miscegenation is a beautiful thing as long as you give your children a perspective on who they are. My parents gave me children's books on Malcolm X and Mohammed Ali when I was like 8. I still remember one of my first children's books, called "Black Is Brown Is Tan" about a mixed family.

Love is love.

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

metricpenny — Thu, 17 May 2007 10:43:00 -0000

But, from a 30 something Black female who would like to get married, be honest, AAPP, the pickings for me, a highly educated Black woman, is slim.

rikyrah,

I know I am late to the discussion, but am hopeful you may return.

I interpreted your statement above to mean the pickings are slim for you only because you are a highly educated black woman, and that you seek someone equally degreed. Is that an accurate assessment?

If it is, might I suggest that you are limiting the pickings yourself, not the highly educated black men choosing non-black women?

There are many intelligent, thoughtful, and self-supporting black men who haven't earned college degrees. Give them a chance to love, honor and respect you.

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

Lester Spence — Wed, 16 May 2007 22:29:00 -0000

i agree. and as quiet as its kept this problem is being felt in white communities as well. in fact i recall reading on slate that it was as hard for a 30+ year old (white) woman in austrailia to find a husband as it was for an 80+ year old (white) woman. not as if the only thing a woman wants IS a husband, but for those that DO and are without such knowledge is more than sobering.

the question i ask though, is what do we do in the meantime? we can generate all types of interventions, but for the moment, it is what it is. what do we do between "now" and "then"?

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

African American Political Pun — Wed, 16 May 2007 18:17:00 -0000

Jill, Rikyrah, Gem 2001, Lester, I thought about my earlier comments whiling driving. When I was driving I was listening to some old school music. Sam Cooke, "A change is going to come."

Lester you have a real point there, it is a numbers issues. Sisters need love, deserve love, and should not wait for love forever and a day. If a sister finds love with our Brown, red, or other ethnic brotha's hey, you won't hear me hating on them.

Yet, as G-E-M 2001 indicated there is a civil war going on within our communities. And if we could speak candidly, a whole bunch of sisters are going out with other sisters, because brotha's are not available.

This is a conversation that needs to be had local and nationally. A national conversation on how to reclaim our own communities. Develop community building strategies within black communities that engage our communities on how to save the next generation of black men from being part of the prison industrial complex. It is something that the afrosphere will need to address as part of its agenda to reclaim our communities, one community at a time. Otherwise this will be a conversation that our daughters and grand daughters will be having, 10-15-and 20 years from now.

It's time for us to get busy.

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

Lester Spence — Wed, 16 May 2007 17:32:00 -0000

There's a civil war going on without our community between black men and women, and until we can settle that and come together we have no business dating interracially.
I take the opposite approach. I think the lack of inter-racial dating has actually INCREASED hostility between black men and women, because black women are forced to compete over a dwindling pool of black men. If these black women pursued other options, it'd free up tension that is now directed towards black women BY black women, and black men by black women.

Re: Black Men — Stand with and not Against Black Women

rikyrah — Wed, 16 May 2007 16:17:00 -0000

To me the issue is not interracial marriage. The issue is that a black female blogger is being threatened with physical violence because of her views. I was just upset because I was asked to make a disclaimer that I do not hate black men merely because I had a link to this site on my blogroll. She also asked me to remove the link to her blog from my blogroll.

I read that at your blog, and was saddened. There is no reason for her to be threatened, and it pisses me off that anyone would even ' go there.'