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I'm trying to give the author some room here. It was a little confusing, but I couldn't quite decide if he was putting forth this as his own list, or whether he was presenting his findings of what other Black men shared.
I think it's the latter, but I'm not completely certain. I'm going to go back and read the whole thing again.
Clearly these sentiments are really disturbing and very sad, but I don't want to villify the brother if he was just "reporting" his findings.
http://www.blagazine.com/Matthew/ML101506.htm
This person is writing a children's book? Who is paying this person salary? The Hoover Insitute at Stanford?
THis is what I think Black men, not all but many feel incredibly inadaquate and they NEED a white woman to affirm them constantly.
As for me I will be damn if I am going to be the only person in a relationship doing all the heavy lifting.
But I guess he was looking for a shorter title.
I can't allow the views of disgruntled brothers color how I feel about myself. Yes, it's deplorable that a black man sees nothing wrong with publicizing the so-called "faults" of black women for the masses to see. We are not perfect, but neither are our men, and it saddens me when we make blanket statements against each other and then claim that we have been wronged when non-blacks do the same to us. I can't tell you how many times my heart has been broken, but the men who may have mistreated me, disregarded my feelings, etc. were individuals, and not the general population of black men. We deserve to have the same consideration and basic common sense shown to us.
On a side note, there has been a lot written recently about the relationship between Barack and Michelle, and to be honest, I can't tell you how good it makes me feel when I see a brother who clearly loves and appreciates the black woman at his side, and vice versa. And there are many more like that -- more brothers who see our beauty and value than the minority who don't and make themselves look foolish by airing out their anger and discontent (which is more about their personal issues than us, anyway).
seriously, this is just more sexist bullshit in list form, another way to keep women down, to keep us questioning ourselves and feeling that there's something wrong with us and not a thing wrong about the society in which we live or the entrenched attitudes toward women that simply do. not. change.
bullshit. what man on earth would want to buy into this victimy crap? boo hoo hoo.
oh wait. was that aggressive and unappreciative?
Now, for legal reasons, I shouldn't offer to waterboard the guy.
But for a small fee.....
Quincy Jones, Terence Howard, Polow da Don, O.J. Simpson and Wesley Snipes. Okay, nothing to see here.
You know this topic is really tired and all hype. Its unfortuante that it must still be spewed from all directions.
"Also has anyone ever notice that in television blacks always have troubles in relationships? Feeding into the hype."
Yes, the media shapes perception. They often show dysfunctional black couples however when the same black male character dates another race, he is loving, compassionate and ready to get married. An actor from ER once spoke about it and it can easily be seen in countless shows and even movies.
I remember when I had to cancel my sister2sister and Honey subscriptions a while back because every front cover and main article was trying to make black women paranoid (white women are taking all the good black men), depressed (you will be alone) and insecure (you are dysfunctional and undesirable).
Look at the crap they are trying to do to Barack and Michelle.
No Thank You, its propaganda. I am happily married. My husband has taken lead as the breadwinner because he brings home the bread. Now if I had to bring home the bread, it would be a different story.
I had to do the same with Honey or was it Sister 2 Sister, I do not remember. I remember however that letter from a "Disgruntled white woman...girl...whatever" who pretty much when postal on us about why we are to blame for black men not wanting us.
Also, the media is known to show the non-black wives of athletes and celebrities while leaving the black wives out. This leaves the public with the impression that most famous men are married to non-black women (mostly white) when its the opposite. The majority of NBA players are married to black women (like 90%) yet people think that they are mostly with non-black women because of the swooning attention over Kobe Bryant's wife, Tim Duncan's and whomever else.
Ya'll are so on point. BS it was Honey because I remember reading the article and thinking why is this in freakin' Honey? Why not in cosmo? Why do I need to hear this White woman's opinion on anything? Who the hell is she? It sounds like we all know the real deal, so lets not feed into the hype. Lets send messages to the Media, and not buy into this crap.
Before we talk, though, would you like me to fix you a sandwich? No? Okay. Well, let me slip on my heels and we can talk.
1. Black women make black men feel under-appreciated, unwarranted and irresponsible and regressive.
Oh, Honey. I appreciate you. God knows that just living this life is a hard hame and I’m grateful that I don’t have to pull alone. The way we pool our resources is just awesome, like we’re equal or something. And you doing the dishes last month? I cried. You are so into this.
2. Black women are too aggressive and no longer patient in waiting on the pursuit of a man.
Okay, yes. I asked you out first. But only because I thought we both wanted that, and didn’t we, Boo? I mean, you seemed into it that night (remember, Sweetie?) and here we are in all our awesomeness. If I was being too aggressive, you could have ignored me, just like all those girls at the bar were ignoring you.
3. Black women are strong headed, too independent which presents great challenges in relationships.
Precious! I thought you liked strong head. Oh! Oh! Strong headED. Oh, Sugar, silly me. You mean that I think I know my mind, pay my bills and ask that you pee IN the toilet or if you can’t, then you clean up the scattershot? Okay, then. Of course. You can pay my bills. And I promise to never ever think again. I’ll be a doll. A quiet doll. And it’ll look like I’m always saying “Oh!”
4. Black women are masculine in that they are controlling and like to run the relationship.
You mean because I have your dick in my hand, Snookums. Honestly, Sweetheart, you weren’t using it and I thought, “Two of us, one dick! And it’s Black Dick, Too!? Dammit, we can conquer the world.” But I see how you can feel that way. Here’s your dick, Beloved. I won’t touch it again.
5. Black women expect too much. They are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue collar black man.
Okay, Angel, that’s not fair. You have no gold. And is the value of gold really that high in today’s market? Oh, but you’re not talking about me? Then what golddiggers are you speaking of, Babydoll? I know this is stupid but for some reason and here I go thinking again…and after I promised…but for some reason I keep thinking about a line from “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.” Yeah, your favorite movie. Anyway, Lorelai Lee says, “A man being rich is like a girl being pretty. It isn’t necessary. But, my goodness, doesn’t it help.” Don’t get all mad, My Prince. I don’t want rich. I want you and all our awesomeness.
6. Black women are hot headed and have bad attitudes.
Oh, Dollface. You know that’s only at work.
7. Black women stop caring about their appearance after a certain age.
Oh, AllThatIAm! I care. Look at my heels. Are you using my mother as an example? Okay, she’s a little heavy on the appliquéd sweatshirts and she’s not big on make-up. But she’s in good shape and she’s boning your friend Ronnie so he likes her appearance. But I promise to never ever gain weight. I know! We won’t have kids. See. Problem solved.
8. Black women are not as sexually open as other races, especially in regards to oral sex.
Mmmrphgggllmmr. Let me up, Dearheart. What?! No, I won’t remove my finger. Not until you take that back!
9. Black women’s tolerance is far too low; they are no longer empathetic to the black man’s struggle in white America.
Sigh.
10. Black women do not cater to their men.
Matthew. Matthew. Matthew. I'm being flip, I know. That used to make you laugh, but no matter.
Hey, Matthew. Why don’t we try something new and exciting, hmm? Why don’t we come to this thing on equal footing, realizing that our gender is a subset of being human. That’s our commonality. We’re human beings who love each other. If we want a caterer, then we should throw a party. A party celebrating how amazing it is that we found each other because the odds were not there. I don’t need you to be anything but the best person you can be. I will try to do the same. If you do that, I'll walk through the gates of hell with you and you'll trust that I'll always be beside you. And let’s forget all this Top Ten Reasons foolishness. If you want a white girl and you love her, I say to find love is a blessing. Be with her for deep or even for shallow reasons because I don’t want to stunt your self-discovery.
But Matthew. Sweetie. Honey. Sugar. Baby. If you want me – like I want you? Let's promise to make each other believe how human and lucky we are ever single day.
Your Baby forever,
Hicks
do you actually send the awardee something?
I'm outraged, but not surprised, that R. Smelly walked. I'm outraged, but not surprised, that someone who claims he's earned a doctorate would "report" survey "results" based on 5 whiny guys.
But there are other things that we have to get do...so our good "Dr." can just listen to R. Smelly all day...the rest of us have work to do!
2 days ago Ashanti was nominated for the Flava Flav award for her Crime Network on this blog. Do you wish that shouldnt have appeared either?
It's a shame how we treat this like a sport.
Ask a black person to make his or her community better and you hear crickets. . .
But ask that same black man or woman to dog a brotha or sista and you'll get about 5 misogynistic rap songs, 3 male-bashing books and 2 hollywood movies where the only salvation to the black person's futile love-life is a white man or white woman.
We've got black folk who are scared to say "boo" to white people. But give them a chance to hate their own and you can't get them to shut up.
Listen, I've got no problem with interracial dating. Love knows no color. But I'm not blind to the high degree of self-loathing that rears it's ugly head whenever the words "black" and "relationship" land in the same sentence.
I don't know what it is, but some black folk find a little white lovin' and instantaneously get a Phd in "black men/women ain't sh*tology." Very sad. We've got a lot of growing up to do.
I'm with those of you who say it's about personal relationships. Stop punishing all brothas and sistas for the sins of your ex.
As for this brotha's "list". . . real black men know that a strong black woman is a GIFT not a curse.
My goodness. . . imagine how powerful it could be if we used half as much energy supporting positive images of black love as we do regurgitating every negative stereotype of black men and women that we can find.
Something tells me that this isnt the overall sentiment of MOST blackmen, jut the rantings of a small select group..
I agree, no sweat off my back. I could really care less. As you, melissa and BrownsugaQT86 pointed out, the medis that is out there is about division. Falling into it will only create the division. We need to rise above it.
Melissa You said,
" This so called Ph.D surveyed 5 men-really let me take a guess.
Quincy Jones, Terence Howard, Polow da Don, O.J. Simpson and Wesley Snipes. Okay, nothing to see here."
Wow...lol, I agree however with the overall assessment that Mr.Ph.D's finding is not universal.
I also agree with you in regards to Sister 2 Sister and Honey, we as people need to stop perpetuating this. It will only create tension when we need love.
However Matthew Lynch deserves a reward for producing this. He is a perpetuator!
Those are two different stories. I don't think that is what Craig means. One story was informing and the other paranoia. We need to know that Ashanti and her team are idiots. We don't need to listen to some idiot talking about whether or not we are really marrying each other. Get the difference.
PERIOD. The End.
And frankly, if he has that many problems with sistas, I'm glad some white chick will take him off our hands, because for that list, he needs a can of whip-ass broken out on him.
He can kiss my paper-sack colored ass and get on the fast track to hell.
As you can see from my earlier post, I was really trying to cut him some slack--just in case I wasn't understanding him.
Yeah, I understand him just fine.
But anyone who's ever been to any of the interracial dating sites exclusively catering to black men-white women knows what he's writing is exactly what goes through the mind of those men who hate black women.
Likewise, at interracial dating sites exclusively catering to black women-white menthere's a similar list as to why black women don't date black men, and it's just as ugly.
6. Black women are hot headed and have bad attitudes.
Hey, you'd be mad too if Burger King fucked up your order 3 times in a row.
8. Black women are not as sexually open as other races, especially in regards to oral sex.
Forgive the author- he never met my ex-girlfriend.
4. Black women are masculine in that they are controlling and like to run the relationship.
Behind a good man is a better woman. Sometimes the woman has to be in front, especially if it's in line at Sears.
2. Black women are too aggressive and no longer patient in waiting on the pursuit of a man.
Why is this a bad thing? PURSUE AWAY, LADIES! I'M RIGHT HERE, WAITING FOR YOU! HANG ON, I GOTTA TAKE A PISS FIRST.
7. Black women stop caring about their appearance after a certain age.
I take it you've never been to Kentucky.
Nevertheless, a guy who says this is usually 300 pounds themselves. Ask not what your wifey will do for you...ask what you will do for your wifey.
9. Black women’s tolerance is far too low; they are no longer empathetic to the black man’s struggle in white America.
They already know it suxs. They might not know why it suxs, but if you don't fight it, don't expect them to cry over your ass because they're fighting the same battle.
most people here have never had an encounter with a black woman as they do not live in the big urban centres..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsGbfPhtCZs
this is the portrayal we fight against every day...
The 'Angry' Black Woman is really the 'Depressed' Black Woman. I read an article about it years ago, really blew my mind. I can't find it. Instead,
Validity: Challenges Recognizing Depression
I think many young black women who are depressed get stereotyped as angry, aggressive and violent. If a physician does not fully understand how culture and race play a role in how you express yourself and your feelings, illnesses such as depression may be undermined or overlooked. It is very difficult for black females to find physicians who can relate to them.
"A western doctor takes the visual signs of his patients seriously. If they have a broken arm, he acknowledges their pain. If they have fever, then he looks for other symptoms and makes a diagnosis and treats the problem. When I came into my doctor's office, I gave him my symptoms. They were not taken seriously because they were not physical."
Seriously can we bring back Dave Chappelle so we can get this Racial Draft going...white by_tches can have them...give me Matthew Mcconaughey.
If we're trading brothas, we need to get multiple players in exchange for one brotha.
This self-hating brotha is worth Matthew McConnahey, plus George Clooney thrown in as the Player to Be Named Later, and reserve Jake Gyllenhaal as a future draft pick.
Oh, another one of these. Look, fools we will always have with us.
And truth be told, some of what he is saying is ...well not quite truth but an accurate reflection of how some misguided brothers feel.
And that's a damn shame for they are short-sighted. They see only 'attitude' but do not appreciate that it usually comes with the incredible and unique strength of black women. They will talk about how black women do not appreciate their struggle but they show no appreciation or understanding of the equal struggle black women go through.
On the whole, white women probably do have less 'attitude' than black women. They also tend to have less financial and social burdens, are more affirmed as the 'standard' by which all others are judged and are more likely to be raised in two-parent families where they get cues on how men and women interact lovingly.
It is what it is.
But fools like this Matthew Lynch want to act as if black women's behaviour happens in a vacuum. As if there is nothing impacting it, shaping it, creating it.
True brothers understand all this and they appreciate the strength we have regardless. I have all the time in the world for black men like this.
Black males like Lynch - why bother?
I have personally met (and dated) some brothers who have been converted... or converted back? lol!
My immediate past ex had only ever dated white girls before he met me. Of course, that had something to do with the fact that he lived in Norway.
And he expressed some of those same views to me when we were discussing the whole 'black men-white women' thing. He observed that especially when out clubbing, black women looked unapproachable while white women would smile and be friendly.
But by the same token, he came to appreciate the difference in going out with a black woman - the freedom to speak his mind in a way he could not with white women, the shared views and experiences and humour that would have been lost otherwise and the feeling that I had his back because I understood better what he was going through.
Some of them do see the light. I hope Lynch does eventually.